I actually have a 7th grade girl in my class right now going through this. She looks and acts just like a boy- for a good part of last year I assumed she was one- until another teacher corrected me. She has already "changed" her name from her girly one to a more androgynous one, but we do still refer to her as "she". We don't know if she's a girl who wishes she was a boy, or if she is just a very masculine lesbian. My school is tiny, and the students who've been for awhile all know she's a girl, but the new ones definitely looked a little confused when I refered to her as "she". So far it doesn't seem to be much of an issue socially- she's got friends and everyone treats her normally. Most of her friends are boys though, for sure, and I see her flirt with the girls frequently and they don't seem to mind either- I think that even thought they know she's a girl, she looks and acts so much like a boy they almost forget!

The couple of times I've had something like that I just don't use pronouns - I either say the student's name, "your group mate", "the student", or some other non-gender specific term...you don't have to engage in that conversation - honestly it would most likely be uncomfortable for the student as well. Unless the child approaches you or gives off that "please talk to me about this" vibe I wouldn't go there - just my .02

It's great that you are thinking about this. Mindfulness about the implicit assumptions in speech, things like pronouns, is a wonderful practice.

Being sensitive in general is good. I like to ask each student what they like to be called ("Ronald" v. "Ron", "Ronnie", etc.) and to find ways to talk about preferences, names, and identity in the context of things we're already studying. I hope I nuture student thinking and sensitivity on the subject. And I use pronouns more sparingly, often saying the student's individual name (the way they asked me to, something with the last name attached when I want to be formal) instead -- I do this for all the students, and make it obvious. It's not about being politically correct, it is about creating a nuturing community in that class. So I would say "What do you have to say, Ronnie?" or "What do you think about what's Ronnie's said?" instead of "What do you think of what she said" etc.

Though I do lecture some, a great deal of my teaching follows a Socratic method. It's important to engage the students and get a good discussion going, one that includes multiple viewpoints BUT building trust with each student can sometimes mean not pushing a particular student for an answer on an issue, i.e. beware of asking your transgendered student to speak to the issue of gender if he or she is not ready. Of course. When there is comfort, openness, and tolerance, and the student is ready, that discussion might happen. It's tempting to try to set up what could be a very teachable moment, but I think patience is better.

I teach college students, most in the first year. We have a resource center on campus for students, and there is an active student organization as well.